Uncategorized

Disney Princesses, sorted by Hogwarts Houses

Bear meeting Belle for the first time and talking about her lovely fireplace.“Hi, Princess!”
———————
I was recently watching The Little Mermaid, and had a sudden realization.  I quickly texted a few friends to poll them on the idea, and they immediately agreed, 100%:

.

.

.

Ariel is a Slytherin.

That’s right, 90’s kids, eat it up.  Your favorite red-head isn’t the happy-go-lucky Hufflepuff you may have thought her to be.
Let us direct you to her personality: rebellious(going to the surface), uncaring if her actions hurt those she cares for(missing the concert-she cares more that “my father is gonna kill me!” than that she ruined the hilight of Sebastian’s career and embarrassed King Triton).
Ariel is fully willing to dabble in the dark arts in order to seduce a man she knows almost nothing about, with a witch who has some dark history with her father bad enough to get her banished and exiled from court forever.  Oh, and who has a forest of withered merpeople as a welcome mat.
And after all that… Ariel gets her way.  Through deceit, dark magic, and not caring about her family one bit.  She is sly and determined, and nothing can stop her.
Total Slytherin.

This realization got me thinking… what could the houses of the other Disney Princesses possibly be? Plus, I’ve been inspired by another blogger who liked to sort Jane Austin characters into Hogwarts houses, so I figured, why not?  So without further ado, here are a few more of the Princess’ sorted into the Hogwarts houses.

Belle: Gryffindor!

You may think your favorite bookworm would make the cut for Ravenclaw, but (surprise surprise!) the Sorting Hat says Gryffindor!  Sure, she’s got her nose stuck in a book at nearly every moment she can manage, but there is so much more to this princess than what’s on the surface.
Upon realizing her father has been captured by a hideous beast and will be kept until his death, Belle immediately sacrifices her own freedom for her father’s, despite his adamant protests.  She is brave enough to try to correct the beast when he first offers her a bedroom, saying that she thought she was supposed to stay in the dungeon tower, hard-headed enough to say “no” to his commands, and noble enough to return to her promise of imprisonment as repayment for Beast saving her from the wolves… not to mention kindly patching him up and making sure his paw didn’t get infected.

(And for you naysayers who think our bookish heroine should still be Ravenclaw, I give you exhibit A: Hermione Granger.)

Cinderella: Hufflepuff!

She’s loyal to a fault, remaining with her father’s new family even after his death.  Granted, during Cinderella’s time, I imagine a woman in her place wouldn’t have too much of a choice in the matter, but this girl does it with a grace and kindness most of us couldn’t muster in the face of Lady Tremaine and the two step-sisters.  She’s a hard worker, dedicated to her family home, and patient as a Saint.  Helga Hufflepuff would be proud.

Pocahontas: Ravenclaw!

Yes, our girl is brave enough for Gryffindor, but Ravenclaw is marked by those who are wise and seek out new knowledge and understanding.  When newcomers invaded her home, Pocahontas didn’t attack or retaliate in fear or a show of strength, but sought to learn about these new people and their strange ways.  (Though I’m sure the handsome singing explorer helped pique her curiosity as well.) Always striving to find her right path and do the right thing for all people, Pocahontas proudly wears blue.

Jasmine: Gryffindor!

This was a close call between Slytherin and Gryffindor.  Princess Jasmine is determined to get what she wants, is firm in her decision making, and doesn’t take crap from anyone.  So what tipped the scales?  The fact that she doesn’t toss others aside to get what she wants.  Yes, she may have run away from home, but she didn’t go to her father’s worst enemy to do it (Ariel…), she just wanted some experience outside of her palace upbringing, and a chance at escaping a forced marriage.  Can you blame a girl?  She may be determined, but she’s not willing to do quite anything to get what she wants.  So… Gryffindor.

That’s all I’ve got so far!  If you have any Princesses you’d like sorted (or an opinion different from mine about the above princesses) drop me a line in the comments!  I love geeky personality conversations.

Advertisements
Uncategorized

Make way for Disney heroines… Step aside, Frozen fans.

Today is supposed to be Movie Quote Monday.  And my intention was to keep it that way, with a quick post that would take five minutes before I get back to organizing my desk.

But then, a distraction.

As I was looking for a cute picture to go with today’s quote, I stumbled upon this fan-made picture.

 WTH

Excuse you?

Have you even seen any Disney movies over two years old?

Have you seen any official Disney Classics?

And if you have, how could you forget this handsome fella?

Even Belle's Dad thought Gaston was an alright catch at first.
Even Belle’s Dad thought Gaston was a decent catch at first.  

Or this guy?

Kokoum WAS a nice guy, he just didn't know how to paint with wind. Or smile.
Kokoum WAS a nice guy, he just didn’t know how to paint with wind. Or smile. Or ask his fiancee why he shouldn’t kill her new boyfriend. 

And are you going to completely ignore that Meg’s first “true love” dumped her for another girl after she sacrificed herself to Hades for him?

Because that happened.
He completely Hans’ed her.  Actually, he’s worse than Hans. 

I have been trying to figure out why someone would think this. Now, if they’re saying “The first guy can turn out to be a jerk,” that’s bogus.  So did Gaston, though he was more up-front about it than Hans.  So was Meg’s nameless boyfriend who dumped her.

If they’re saying, “Sometimes the first guy you meet isn’t the right guy, even though he is a good guy,” then my answer is

” Hi, I’m Prince Edward, I have puffy sleeves, sing, will risk my life for you, and want to marry you.”

I'm Prince Edward, I have puffy sleeves, sing, and want to marry you. Your name?

The only reasons I can come up with for someone to think this crazy Frozen thought is

a) they are not Disney fans, just Frozen fanatics,

or

b) they have jumped on the Frozen fanatic bandwagon that states “Frozen is the first Disney movie to prove that a girl doesn’t need a man to save her!” and are trying to see at what else Frozen can be first.

I’m sure you’ve seen those posts about Frozen and men.  They are everywhere.  “Disney finally made a movie where a girl doesn’t need rescuing!”

To which I say….

…If Kristoff didn’t give Anna a ride, she would have been wolf food.

…If Kristoff didn’t help Anna, she wouldn’t even be able to find the ice palace, let alone get to it.  (Remember the sad climbing attempt, and her lack of tracking skills?)

…If Kristoff didn’t have handy rope/hook/pickaxe knowledge, Anna would have fallen to her death when being chased by Marshmallow.  Granted, he only softened the eventual fall, but at least they got a little closer to the ground.  Really, that was cinematic cheating, everyone should have died right there in real life.

…If Kristoff hadn’t been raised by the trolls and brought Anna to them, he never would have known that bringing her back to Arandelle was the best bet for saving her.

So don’t give me that crap.

And Elsa?  Elsa couldn’t save herself. She tried and made the snowstorm worse, trapping Anna as she froze. Sure, her love melted the spell, but… that was a fluke. She didn’t know what she was doing. I love Elsa, dearly, but she’s no hero.

Really, Kristoff, Olaf, and Sven prolonged Anna’s life the most.  All guys, helping save her.

On top of that, the original Snow Queen story actually has a girl rescuing her one true love from the clutches of the Snow Queen, who has cursed the guy to love/follow the Snow Queen’s every whim, forgetting his lady love.  The girl is entirely on her own, with little help along her journey, and actually manages to rescue the guy even when he’s on the Snow Queen’s side due to being cursed.  It makes Anna’s feats look rather puny, if still adorable.

But those aren’t even the important reasons Frozen fanatics are wrong.  Here are the important ones.

Mulan

Mulan

Remember? Pretended to be a boy, got kicked out of the army, saved China anyway, and had the EMPEROR bow to her?  After her General/boyfriend said “No way I’m helping you, girl!” she snuck into the palace on a Hun hunt.  Remember?  No?  This was mid-late 1990’s.

Pocahontas

Pocahontas

Sure, she was in love with John Smith, but she didn’t need him to save her.  Pocahontas already had this “please don’t kill each other” and “I do what I want” attitude way before the English landed at Jamestown.

Actually, I remember this small, unimportant scene at the end where she saved his life.  Totally didn’t affect the story line, though, right?

Oh yeah, mid-1990’s, almost 20 years before Frozen debuted.

Captain Amelia

Captain Amelia

Sadly, I can’t be mad at you if you don’t remember her, even though she is from one of the best. Disney. movies. EVER.

(Treasure Planet, in case you’re still lost.)

Thanks to crappy marketing, this bada$$ Disney heroine is oft forgotten.  There was a moment where she needed help, but that was after getting shot while saving her crew, and she still managed to be awesome.

Nani

Nani

Lilo’s big sister!  Not only was she doing her best to raise her little sister, keep a home running, and have a job, she also told her (very handsome and sweet) friend David that she didn’t have time for a relationship.  She turned down his help occasionally, only accepting his help finding a job and an invite to relax with a day of surfing.  She made it clear she didn’t have time for anything more, and David respected her wishes to try to do everything by herself.  Heck, Nani teamed up with aliens who could have squished her in a second just to try to save her sister!

Merida

Merida

For you youngin’s who might not have seen any of the above movies because you live in a black hole with no Netflix access, you should at least have heard of Merida.  It’s much more recent.

She refuses to get married because “it’s what you do,” and instead shoots for her own hand.

She learns how to be a good leader from her mother, and eventually convinces her parents to let her live her life on her own terms, bucking tradition (for the meantime) in order to grow and learn.

And can we not forget how awesome her mother is?  Queen Elinor is one of my favorite Disney moms: super protective of her children, powerful in politics, and a really, really cute bear.

I could go on.  Ellie from “Up” didn’t need Carl to save her from anything.  In fact, you could say she saved him from living inside of a shell his entire life.  And once married, they helped each other, as married people should do.

Now, Snow White.  She definitely waited for her prince to fix everything.  I mean, she has an entire song about it.  Granted, she was mostly dead at the end of her story, so she didn’t have a choice.  But she did wait around.  At least she was friendly and helpful while she waited.

Cinderella.  In my experience, the one used most often as an example of “sitting around, waiting for a prince to fix everything.”  Really, she was doing the best she could in the society in which she lived.  She didn’t want to live on the street, so she stayed with her wicked stepmother.  But she never once mentioned wanting someone to save her, or even marry a prince.  She just wanted a night off to feel like a normal girl and go to a ball.

It is both incorrect and unfair to most Disney girls to say that Frozen is the first Disney film that shows the first guy isn’t always right, or that girls don’t need a man to save them.  Because sometimes, girls need a guy to save them.

And sometimes, a guy needs a girl to save him.

Sometimes, people of the same gender help each other.

It’s called being a decent human being.

And a lot of the time, Disney is just sticking to the original story, which involves a prince saving someone.  So blame the Brothers Grimm, if you must blame someone.

Or maybe just appreciate human beings helping other human beings.  That’s what we are supposed to do with our time here.  So, thank you, Disney, for showing that it goes both ways, for many years.

And for those of you who are still stuck on “Frozen is the first!”?

PLEASE

30 Day Challenge

What makes it a ‘Classic?’ – 30 Day Disney Challenge: Day 16

Today begs the unavoidable questions: what makes a Disney movie “Classic”?

Is it the older form of animation, all done by hand?

Or perhaps it requires it to be a musical, with at least three or four big numbers.

Must it be a princess movie, or can the dudes and families rule, too?

Left without a clear idea, I turned to one of my trusted sources:

Wikipedia.

No, really, it’s rather reliable when it comes to films and fandoms.  Trust me, if you post something incorrectly Continue reading “What makes it a ‘Classic?’ – 30 Day Disney Challenge: Day 16”